One saturday like that, Iya Laide invited me to her church at Gbagada. I always knew her to be a member of cele, and had vowed never to go to her church, but she was so earnest I wondered if it was a different church she was inviting me to.

I asked her if there was a special service going on, she said her pastor was anointing new elders so there would be an “item 7”. As if she knew me well.

Within minutes of hearing item 7, I’d already started salivating, and I pondered what clothing I had closest to white. Noticing that she had captured my interest, Iya Laide told me to be ready before 8am the following day, Sunday.

Sunday morning, Iya Laide came knocking on my door. Trust me, I was waiting. I was barefooted and ready to go with her. She looked me up and down, then burst into laughter.
Puzzled, I said to her “Haba… Iya Laide kilon npa yin lerin? Mi o like e ooo

Iya Laide then told me to go wear my slippers or shoes. “Things have changed o.” She said I could pull them off at the church. I laughed and said she should have just told me.

Some 30 minutes later, we arrived at the church. We pulled off our sandals and kept them in our bags. As we entered the church, first thing I saw was a big crucifix at the center of the church gidigba. It looked scary. Then I noticed people dancing and convulsing like they were possessed. This went on for hours.

12:00pm, they were still dancing. I was already exhausted and hungry. I asked Iya Laide if they would soon close.
She laughed and said “Ha. Ore mi you’re funny ooo. Service has not even started” I opened my mouth and started thinking about my life.

Finally, at 01:30pm the Alagba came to preach. I can’t remember what he was talking about because I was already exhausted and dosing off. At about 02:35, Iya Laide woke me up. I was happy that the service had ended and I would at least receive my celebration food. “Ti mba gbo” They started another dance session.

05:00pm!!! These people were still twerking ooo. Hmmm… I angrily picked up my handbag and left the church. Haba! Am I a robot ni?! Even prisoners eat.

That was how I wasted my day.

Message, I did not listen to. Nigba ti mo n sun
Food, I didn’t even smell.
Blessing nko?, I’m sure Emi mimo was not smilling at me.

But I was busy dancing away my little strength. I vowed that day never to visit anybody’s church.

Iya Laide came knocking on my door as soon as she returned *kpom kpom*
On my way to answer, I checked the time, it was 08:23pm! I started laughing. It was Iya Laide’s turn to look puzzled. She asked me why I was laughing and why I left her at the church. I didn’t know how to reply her. Soo I just greeted her and closed my door to continue laughing…

Courtesy O.I Showunmi (TEMi)

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